I’m on the road this week, embarking on a somber family errand and spending Valentine’s Day in a hotel room eating vegan dim sum. I say this at the top to perhaps get ahead of what may be a half-assed Wrap Up, though honestly how would you know the difference? You’ll notice I’m still trying to lasso the whirlwind that is the WrestleMania 40 main event and it’s been three weeks of the WWE hemming and hawing. BUT we just made a breakthrough, folks. And a rather cathartic one. Bottom line: We got there together. Great job, team.
Just above the bottom line, hovering: I was right!
HAH!
Sorry for ever telling y’all I didn’t care about that. Honestly, I still don’t think I care. I just find more satisfaction than usual in this one since I was wrong for two weeks only for everything to circle back to my second Wrap Up, back where I asked “Who will face Seth Rollins in the main event?” I even insisted it was not going to be Cody. And now… it’s not. Then last week I was like “The Rock vs Roman is a bad idea” and now it’s also not happening. I’m not a psychic in the least; it’s just that the WWE tried a thing and it didn’t work. It’s okay to try a thing. It’s good to try a thing. We should all try a thing. You just have to be able to pivot on a divot.
And so, yes, they were smart enough last week at the WrestleMania Kickoff Event in Vegas to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge around their missteps, setting up something absolutely fascinating for us as the alternative. A Rock and Roman Reigns alliance.
All the WWE asks of us, all they want, all they require in this topsy-turvy time of flux is for us, collectively, to forget the February 2 SmackDown ever happened. That segment where Cody stepped aside? When The Rock got a big pop and Rock vs. Roman was on? Just Men-in-Black that s*** from your mind palace. Because that was really the one huge thing that made this a clumsy climb annnnnnd – yep! – it’s already been scrubbed from all Road to WrestleMania recap footage.
And I’m totally fine memory hole’ing that entire promo package but… and this is important… don’t let them trick you into thinking this was always the plan from the get-go. Oh, no no. When The Rock ripped on all us poors in classic Rocky style – saying “sit back, know your role, shut your mouth, and enjoy the ride The Rock is about to take you on” – he was insinuating that everything was coming up Rockhouse. That the match shifting was part of some grand design. It was not. That was The Rock turning heel, or at least testing the heel waters, pre-Kickoff Event. That was a lying liar who lies. And the first big sign that everything was going ass over tea-kettle at the big Vegas presentation.
And even then nothing was set in stone. It looked like The Rock listened to the crowd chants in the moment. That they had two ways of proceeding and he needed to make that call right then and there. The “We Want Cody” chants were like diabolical beach balls to the face and so The Rock took the entire dance in a different direction. If it were me, I would have mentally froze. Like when I see this…
Okay, now back to The Rock and all the shenaniganalia from the Vegas Kickoff - which is now the official starting point for the “Road,” by the way. The Rock said he was facing Roman. Cody, again, pretending the SmackDown from weeks ago never happened, came out and officially declared Roman as his Rumble pick. Story-wise, The Rock is no longer facing Roman. It’s Cody. It’s Cody vs. Roman.
But we know there will be more to it. The Rock is wrestling. Someone. It could still wind up being a Triple Threat, as mentioned last week, but it certainly feels like, with Seth now mixed up in the feud, this will all spread out over both nights. And is there even a Tag Match happening? Let’s look at the choices:
Night One: Rock vs. Cody, Night Two: Roman vs Cody
Let’s say they just split it up and Cody wrestles twice. Beating both men. The Rock said he wanted to get Cody more over than Daniel Bryan was back in the day, and having two matches seems like a must in order to do that. These matches could also be on the same night, like Bryan’s were.
Night One: Rock & Roman vs. Cody & Seth, Night Two: Roman vs. Cody
This is just the same s*** I wrote above, hah! I just added Seth to it. Oh, yes. I'll show you the life of the mind.
Night One: Cody LOSES to Rock, or his tag team LOSES to Rock & Roman, Night Two: Rock vs. Roman vs. Cody
This wouldn’t get Cody as over as The American Dragon, but as of right now there doesn’t seem to be any reason at all why Cody should have to wrestle two nights. He might want to for honor. For revenge. But then that’s a dumb move that fans won’t buy. Why risk your match with Roman? There could be some stip though, some chicanery, where The Rock only gets his match with Roman, making it a Triple Threat, if he beats Cody on the first night.
These are just all the options to mull over because The Rock is supposed to be wrestling no matter what. I mean, will there just be a Strangers on a Train swapping murders crisscross and The Rock takes on Seth? (Also, I’d hate for Seth to have to wrestle twice with his knee - so maybe the tag match is on TV before Mania?)
No matter how it shakes out though bout-wise, we have the Ultimate Bloodline with Rock and Roman uniting. Threatening to run roughshod over people. An uneasy alliance united by family. And all it took was for Cody to speak ill of the Samoan Dynasty to bring them together. Of course, he really didn’t though. He didn’t say anything bad about anyone… except Roman. He didn’t insult the grandfathers. Just the grandson.
But “don’t talk about my family” has always been a go-to shorthand in wrestling for instant motivation. It’s always been so weird to me, having grown up in the 1980s NYC during Peak “Your Mom’s So Fat.” You could say anything about anyone in my family and I wouldn’t flinch. Oh, does that red dress make her look like the Kool-Aid Man? You know what? It probably does. See. Cold as ice. It’s as if people saying things out loud doesn’t make them true.
Anyhow, The Rock and Roman as “We’ll Lead as Two Kings” is exciting as hell. The Rock embraced the heat and turned heel, like a goddamn professional. He let the current carry him instead of trying to pick the river up like Paul Bunyan (who was definitely a kaiju).
What if Cody now recruits whoever’s left from other noble wrestling families to take on Boss Level Bloodline? Like some Harts, Neidharts, Ortons, Von Erichs, Pilmans, Mysterios, Bronn Breakker, Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel, and… even Ava Raine! In the very least, someone could finally eliminate Axel from the 2015 Rumble.
