This article contains spoilers for Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire.
I am a simple woman with simple tastes. I like when my kaiju movies are deep, like the impeccable Godzilla Minus One, but I am also perfectly happy when my kaiju movies are simply about the smashy smashy. And, no matter how delighted I may have been by Dan Stevens’ Trapper and his relationship with Brian Tyree Henry’s Bernie Hayes, “just about the smashy smashy” is as succinct a description as any of Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire.
The film does have a plot, albeit a thin one. The Hollow Earth division of Monarch starts to notice signals coming from, you guessed it, the Hollow Earth. Also, Kong gets a toothache at one point? None of it really matters. What matters is that Godzilla and Kong beat the hell out of each other, and then they team up to kick the shit out of a big bully monkey. Also, Mothra is there just being her queen self, and there’s a plucky little baby Kong (his name is Suko but I absolutely refuse to believe that anyone is calling this lil buddy anything but “baby Kong”) who is sometimes — to great hilarity — used as a club. It’s wonderful.
Still, I gotta ask: what the hell is Godzilla’s problem?
There is a harsh injustice that simply cannot be overlooked in director Adam Wingard’s most recent kaiju slugfest. A different giant monster, Tiamat, is in her own house minding her own damn business, and this spike-tailed punk knocks down her door and murders her.
We’re over here rooting for Godzilla, Kong and Mothra to knock the snot out of this big bully ape, but at least all of the monsters Skar King picked on were awake!
Tiamat wasn’t necessarily an innocent monster. She caused a fair amount of trouble in the (canon to the Legendary MonsterVerse) graphic novel Godzilla Dominion after being awakened by King Ghidora in Godzilla: King of Monsters. The extremely truncated version of their previous beef is that she tried to steal Godzilla’s house and he took some umbrage with that. Tiamat did almost beat Godzilla in that story, but that was before he sucked up a bunch of nuclear energy in his first round of powerups at the beginning of The New Empire to prepare for what he thought was his solo fight with Skar King.
And all of that is still no reason to show up at someone’s house while they are sleeping and murder them.
What’s worse is that, at the end of the day, Godzilla didn’t even need all of that firepower! With Kong, Mothra, Suko and eventually Shimo the Mother of Titans on Godzilla’s side, Skar King didn’t stand a chance. It would have been one thing if Skar brought his army of ape slaves with him, but the odds were already stacked against him even before Kong and Godzilla managed to free Shimo — who Skar had been controlling via an ice crystal at the end of a spine whip. The King of Monsters ultimately slaughtered Tiamat for no reason beyond his pretty pink makeover. That’s not what slay, king is supposed to mean! (He does look great, though.)
Amelia is the entertainment Streaming Editor here at IGN. She's also a film and television critic who spends too much time talking about dinosaurs, superheroes, and folk horror. You can usually find her with her dog, Rogers. There may be cheeseburgers involved. Follow her across social @ThatWitchMia
